“This is the latest ridiculous decision by the BBC – proof that something is going wrong at the broadcaster”. Is it someone swearing again, or BBC Worldwide getting too involved in commercial activities? Of course not – it’s about Strictly vs X Factor.

What a pointless dicussion this has become, but Hunt isn’t the only one who’s been lured in to commenting on it (although he’s definitely the one who should be most ashamed of himself, as you’d think he had more important things to discuss). Here comes national speaker of common sense and, it appears, Controller of ITV Simon Cowell, who under the not-at-all-melodramatic headline ‘The BBC has let Britain down’ writes in The Sun to say, “I’m happy to chair a meeting with someone from the BBC and someone from ITV and I genuinely think we can solve this within twenty minutes.” Thank God Simon’s here to sort things out. And for shame, here’s Declan Donnelly, who you’d hope would have the wit and perspective not to treat some scheduling issue as the end of the BBC, making an almighty leap of logic by suggesting, “This whole  business is sickening… the BBC are supposed to be a public service broadcaster and I don’t see much of the public service going on at the moment, which is a real shame.” That’s exactly what it is, Dec. Because Strictly has replaced Panorama and all news bulletins and… oh, hang on. No it hasn’t.

What a shame Dec has fallen for some shameless ITV spinning. It looks like the BBC is being blamed for all of this, when nobody’s pointed out that in previous weeks, The X Factor has begun at 7pm. This week, it was abruptly moved to 8pm, where the clash with Strictly has therefore become more pronounced. This is, of course, the same ITV that’s so concerned about what’s best for the viewer that it spent much of the last two years scheduling Emmerdale up against EastEnders every single week.

The Beeb have rightly pointed out that the two shows have actually gone up against each other on forty previous occasions. Sadly, because they didn’t do it last year, ITV have now been able to get away with muder because they don’t think anyone’s boring and pedantic enough to remember this, let alone go through old listings and point this out. But there’s nobody more boring and pedantic than me, so let’s take a look at some Saturday nights from 2005…

Saturday 22nd October – Strictly 6.15pm, The X Factor 6.15pm

Saturday 29th October – Strictly 6.35pm, The X Factor 6.15pm

Saturday 5th November – Strictly 6.35pm, The X Factor 6.15pm

Saturday 11th November – Strictly 6.20pm, The X Factor 6.50pm

Then we can also look at 2006…

Saturday 14th October – Strictly 5.50pm, The X Factor 5.50pm

Saturday 21st october – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Saturday 28th October – Strictly 5.40pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Saturday 4th November – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

And just to really hammer the point home, in 2007…

Saturday 6th October – Strictly 6.15pm, The X Factor 6.45pm

Saturday 20th October – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Saturday 27th October – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Now I don’t recall a grandstanding publicity-hungry MP feeling moved to comment on any of those occasions, possibly because ITV weren’t quite so desperate for ratings and publicity and feeding the papers a load of rubbish about the Beeb.

Regardless, the general point is that Strictly remains by far the better programme than The X Factor. For all the idea that Strictly‘s audience is elderly and boring compared to the hip young gunslingers watching ITV, Strictly is way more daring and innovative in terms of musical choices – they danced to the Kings of Leon on Friday night, after The Gossip and The Killers have been on the soundtrack in previous series, while The X Factor won’t feature anything that’s not on heavy rotation on Smooth FM. And in Brucie, we’ve got the most compelling and anarchic presenter on telly – whether it’s egging on the audience in an impromptu Vera Lynn singalong or repeating jokes (and letting the running order go to pot) until they get the laugh he feels they deserve, you can’t take your eyes off him. He really doesn’t give a toss. And, of course, he’s been in this business long enough to know that this type of scheduling war is not a new thing – what about when his Big Night went up against the Generation Game in 1978?

Funnily enough, The X Factor managed to beat Strictly in the ratings, after all ITV’s bleating, so what’s the betting we’ll see these arguments about “serving the public” quietly fade away over the next few weeks, and Cowell stop being quite so concerned about his mum, who apparently loves both?

Regardless of all the arguments, though, one thing is for certain – Jeremy Hunt is a complete idiot who has got far too much time on his hands and had been taken in by some complete guff from the ITV press office. Do some bloody work, man!

Any series that can boast “now with no Sharon Osbourne” must be on to a winner.

Yes X-Factor series (what is it now- four? Five?) is definitely feeling the benefit of the lack of “Mrs O”.  I for one won’t miss her cutting some shapes and pouting on the live shows, not to mention playing to the gallery like some Anglo-Transatlantic Margi Clarke. With those live editions round the corner, now seems like a good time to comment on yet another one of those series that, through sheer repetition, has fallen off the broadsheet agenda, while remaining resolutely ever present in the tabloids. 

So is anybody who loves telly still watching ITV1′s talent show beast?  I am, but I am beginning to suspect I might be alone.  For those of you who’ve jumped ship, I can tell you that you’re not missing anything.  I mean literally, you’re not missing anything – it’s like an identikit version of itself. 

Scott's in tears, but the swelling music means...

..."You're through to the live show!"

So rigid now is the formula, that in this last whittling edition, you can actually tell who is going to be in and who is going out based on the incidental music (if a contestant walks in to face judgment to any track 30 seconds away from an ascendant key change then they’re through, otherwise they’re out).  Similarly, the knowledge they always leave the last two candidates vying for one place, allows you to pretty much work out the configuration of yes and no’s before they happen.

So if the format is turning against the programme through sheer repetition, how is the rest of it working?  Dannii Minogue is becoming increasingly superfluous, not helped by the obviously unfavourable editing, which excises her from many of the judges’ reaction shots.  Talking of editing, that much lampooned X-Factor style of sticking in any old reaction shot, regardless of continuity still prevails.  Indeed, this series has been so blatant, in one instance Dannii appeared to briefly change outfit mid-audition.  Such audacity is almost commendable.

New judge Cheryl Cole has actually worked very well, despite many people’s misgivings that she would be too street tough (in fact she is quite the opposite).  However, The X-Factor‘s main draw remains Simon Cowell.  Somehow there is just something wonderfully “in synch” about the man, even after all this time he has a great knack for verbalising what most viewers are thinking.

Less successful, and mysteriously so, is Dermot O’Leary.  As a slightly free-wheeling presenter he really is in his element, and brilliant at exuding empathy. But on this show, none of that is present and I’m not sure why.  Perhaps the production team just don’t have enough faith in him.  Whatever the reason, Dermot  is in danger of losing the last vestiges of what Simon likes to call the “likeability factor”.  Hopefully he will jump ship soon and find something that better suits his talents.

So all in all, The X-Factor  finds itself still outperforming (most) of the competition, but it is not the thing of pomp it used to be.  Perhaps it’s found its comfortable Saturday night groove now, and rather like – say – Stars in their Eyes – will continue to pump out watchable, but inessential telly for a few years to come.  Not a bad fate.

LOUIS RETURNS TO THE X FACTOR

Louis Walsh is to make a sensational return to The X Factor.

The move comes after Brian Friedman, in consultation with Simon Cowell, the show producers and ITV said he’d be changing roles to become creative director on the show.

Louis Walsh is delighted to be back on the show: “In spite of all the bantering, I have continued to have a good working relationship with Simon, ITV and the show’s producers and I am thrilled to be asked back on the show.

“Working on The X Factor has been such a big part of my life over the last three years and I was genuinely really missing it. I cannot wait to start work again on Monday and be back with Simon and Sharon (Osbourne), and I’m really looking forward to working with Dannii Minogue.”

Brian will now be using his vast experience as a dancer and choreographer working with the contestants from boot camp stages and into the live shows as well as using his extensive fashion knowledge to style the contestants at the studio shows.

He said: “I’m ecstatic to finally put my true skills to the test. The British public has only seen what I’ve been able to do from afar through the music videos and stage shows I have worked on. Now the public will be able to see direct in their homes what I can do and I couldn’t be more pleased.”

He added: “I am an artistic person used to being creative, I spoke to Simon and said I wanted a more hands on role and he subsequently offered me the new position of Creative Director”.

Paul Jackson, ITV’s Director of Entertainment and Comedy said, “We are thrilled to have Louis back toThe X Factor – and look forward to working with Brian in his new capacity. We, with producers talkbackTHAMES and Syco TV are determined to make series four even better than ever before. Viewers will see the story unfold on screen when the series returns later in the year.”

So, here’s the press release from The X Factor

ITV announced today (Friday 30 March 2007) that Dermot O’Leary will be the new host of The X Factor. The presenter has signed a deal that will see him host the hit entertainment show for the next two series.

Dermot said: “I was very flattered to be offered the job to host such a hugely successful show. I’m really looking forward to working with Simon and the team on the kind of Saturday night entertainment show I grew up watching.”

Dermot is best known for hosting Big Brother’s Little Brother, Big Brother’s Big Brain and the BBC’s lottery show 1 vs 100.

Duncan Gray, ITV’s Controller of Entertainment said, “Dermot is a star. He’s warm, clever and funny and he was our number one choice for the job. We’re thrilled to have him on ITV and we’re sure he’ll keep The X Factor the nation’s number one entertainment show for many years to come.”

Dermot and the team will commence their audition tour in May and will visit city centres across the country in the biggest talent search on television. Leona Lewis, winner of last year’s series, scored a number one with her single A Moment Like This and runner up Raymond Quinn is currently at number one in the charts with his debut album.

The X Factor’s fourth series – which starts on ITV in the summer – will feature a fourth Judge and another category. Contestants will be split into 14 – 24s Boys; 14 – 24s Girls; 25s and Overs and Groups. 

Richard Holloway, Executive Producer of The X Factor said: “With each series of The X Factor we have always strived to make the show bigger and better and this year with Dermot and four Judges I’m sure the viewers are in for a ‘xtra’ special series.”

For anyone who has missed it thus far, the “twist” of The X Factor is that the competitors are split into three categories: 16 – 24 year-old soloists; 23+ year-old soloists; and vocal groups. Each of the three judges is responsible for mentoring the contenders from a particular section, with Sharon Osbourne championing the youngsters, Simon Cowell the older soloists, and Louis Walsh the groups. As such, great play is made of the idea that these three are desperate to beat each other by having one of their acts crowned the winner. Other than that, it’s the same old routine: they all sing, you vote for your favourite, one gets the boot, the rest come back next week and do the same again.

One question that always comes to mind in these shows is why anyone who is good enough to make it as a genuine recording artist would audition in the first place. This is particularly true of The X Factor‘s 16 – 24 section, given that this is the group targeted by all the previous programmes, where it has become screamingly obvious that the superstardom they all promise rarely materialises. Of all the contestants on the various incarnations of the format, only Will Young, Girls Aloud and arguably Darius Danesh have managed to sustain any sort of high-profile career. There’s no guarantee of superstardom even for the winners, as Hear’Say, Michelle McManus, One True Voice, and David Sneddon have all proven. Worse still, the fact that the immensely talented Alex Parks could make so little impact after winning Fame Academy should serve as a warning to anyone with serious musical ambitions to resist the temptation to try the shortcut to success.

And so, like lambs to the slaughter, the nine X Factor finalists lined up for the first live show. One thing that is immediately obvious is the whole thing lacks atmosphere. The studio seems a lot smaller and less glamorous than that of Pop Idol, whereas the presence of a petrified-looking Kate Thornton as host simply makes the whole thing feel like an edition of the aforementioned show’s ITV2 “fanzine” spin-off. Somehow, despite the hyped-up crowd, who willingly cheer anything and everything all night long, it feels like you’re watching a final rehearsal, rather than the real event. One thing that does arouse interest, however, is the promise that the voting system has a secret twist that will, we are told, make sure that every single vote matters.

As for the acts themselves, it soon becomes obvious that we have at least got a bit of variety. As well as the usual bawling balladeers, we have young Tabby rocking away, Voices With Soul offering exactly what their name promises, and G4 performing a stunning operatic rendition of REM’s Everybody Hurts. As with every other reality-pop show at this stage, the biggest problem seems to be that, with nine contestants to squeeze in, each act barely gets time to get going before they’re booted off-stage. As a result, by the end of it all, nobody can remember much about what happened at the start. In fact, several songs were edited so severely the lyrics simply didn’t make sense, not that anyone was really listening for that sort of thing.

With three categories and three judges all obviously biased toward their own protégés, the verdict sequence seems strangely stifled. By their own admission, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh have formed an alliance against Simon Cowell, and so we have a fairly basic routine passing itself off as rivalry. Walsh, for example, comments on one of Cowell’s older female acts that “there just aren’t many housewives in the charts”, thus wilfully misunderstanding the whole point of the show – that anyone can supposedly make it if they have the talent. Cowell then criticises Sharon Osbourne’s acts, at which point Osbourne goes bright red and slags him off, and Walsh delivers some variation on the theme of “what planet is this man on?”, before extolling the singer’s virtues. Hopefully, when the series develops some sort of organic storyline and the acts make a genuine connection with the audience, we can be spared this rather feeble charade of mock-rivalry.

When the nine performers have come and gone, some of them making a great impression, others bland in the extreme, it’s time to fill some space with an utterly trivial vote. The audience is asked to vote for their favourite judge. Soon, Thornton says that “Sharon Osbourne is in the lead so far, but it could change”. A few seconds later, the result is revealed. It hasn’t changed after all. Sharon Osbourne has won, but the vote has no significance to anything whatsoever. There’s just time for a quick reminder of the acts, and the customary explanation of the billion-and-one ways of registering your vote, along with the minutiae of the costs of doing so, before ITV1 goes over to Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway, followed by the choice of either ‘Millionaire on ITV1, or The Xtra Factor on ITV2, for anyone who can stomach 10 minutes of material packed into an hour of meandering TV.

One thing that no reality-pop show has yet discovered is the means to make the results show work, at least in the early stages before the revelation itself becomes significant enough to mask the cracks in the presentation. As Kate Thornton reappears, still looking utterly terrified, it is time to discover what the promised twist in the voting system is. It turns out to be little more than a variation on the Fame Academy routine, in which the bottom two from the public vote would be put forward, and the eventual loser decided in the studio. The only difference between The X Factor and Fame Academy‘s system is that, while the BBC show handed the final decision to the other contestants, X Factor passes it onto the judges. At this point, two problems become apparent. Thornton had promised that the system would ensure that every vote mattered more than ever, whereas in fact it makes the public vote less significant than before. Secondly, none of the judges are going to vote to dismiss their own acts if they have any choice in the matter, so there’s not a lot of drama in them giving their judgement.

Before we find out who will be put before the judge’s final vote, we have to go through Thornton, now looking even more afraid than ever, reciting the same line over and over, “The first person who is safe is … Tabby”, at which point, hysterical cheering erupts from the audience, and Thornton’s eyes dart about off-camera, as she tries trying to quieten the crowd.

As the fate of the last three contestants hung in the balance, things developed in a manner very familiar to anyone who followed ITV2′s coverage of American Idol. For those who didn’t see it, that show’s results edition would be dragged out as much as humanly possible, with contestants singing group numbers, showing “hilarious” clips of them all together, then dragging on celebrity guests to duet with them, and all manner of feeble garbage designed to postpone the actual reckoning for as long as possible. Fortunately The X Factor doesn’t yet go as far as that, but still pads out the process by revealing the identity of the bottom two, then making them both sing again. Given the amount of pressure deliberately heaped upon them, I take my hat off to the contestants for being able to stand up, let alone sing.

The bottom two were reasonably predictable. Voices With Soul were there, probably for no other reason than they were the first act on, and nobody could remember them by the time the lines opened; and young Roberta, a girl whose voice and looks scored highly with the judges, but who was so bland it’s hard to imagine anyone feeling strongly enough to pick up the phone and vote for her. Sure enough, Louis didn’t feel inclined to axe his group, and Sharon likewise didn’t fancy getting rid of her girl, and so the entire decision rested with Simon Cowell. Somehow, this seemed inevitable, as Cowell always seems to get what he wants in the end. The only question mark was whether he might be mischievous enough to axe Voices With Soul on the basis that they could pose a threat to his own acts later on in the series. In the end, however, he did the honourable thing, and Roberta was the subject of the usual montage of “your best moments with us”, and the shot of the tear running down her face.

As she disappeared into the eternal shadowland inhabited by the dozens of other former talent show contestants whose potential pop careers have been massacred by their appearances on the nation’s screens, it was time to wrap up.

Much like Popstars: The Rivals, it seems that The X Factor‘s real purpose is to prove how vital Ant and Dec were to making Pop Idol such great TV. Whatever “the X factor” itself might be, Kate Thornton, like Davina McCall before her, just don’t seem to have it. Seemingly nervous, and unable to bring out the contestants’ personalities or control the crowd’s enthusiasm, the whole show never loses the sense that the Geordie duo have called in sick and Thornton’s filling in at five minutes’ notice. Without their self-effacing bonhomie, the programme badly lacks humour, and everything feels far more formal that it ought to be. The rivalry between the judges comes across as hideously contrived, and you can’t help feeling that, if this were Pop Idol, any such faults would be neutralised with a bout of mickey-taking, or a wry raising of the eyebrow to camera.

One thing that is inescapable, however, is that whole thing is undermined by a sense that the contestants are all either bland balladeers or one-hit-wonder novelty acts, none of whom are likely to have lasting careers beyond the end of the series. Not that the judges are likely to care too much if they are, of course, as the whole show is geared up to allow BMG (Cowell’s record label) a shot at the Christmas number one, and what does it matter if you can’t remember any of the current contestants in 12 months’ time, given there will be yet another reality-pop show by then?

Then again, who is the real sucker here? If I look in my CD collection, I find an alarming number of albums by former reality-pop contestants, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, this time next year, I have something from an X Factor act sat there too. No matter how much I want to give up watching these shows, there’s always something that keeps me hooked. The format may be repetitive, but it always seems to have that intangible draw, that special indefinable something which keeps me watching even when I don’t really want to.

I suppose I’d have to call it the “X factor”.