I have a love-hate relationship with the big fuck-off new TV season launches. I love going to them, but I hate being there.

The great thing about these events is seeing all the new stuff first, but the truly awful aspect is the tightly packed huddle of TV listings bods, which turns the whole thing into a “stop and chat” minefield of epic proportions. I tend to revert to my student years, fix on a scowl and avoid making eye-contact until I can find a seat in the corner.

Today’s big do was ITV’s spring season launch, with Simon Shaps taking his turn at reading off the dual autocues and coping with the lack of applause. Actual details are embargoed until tomorrow, but there’s only really one stand-out story anyway (apart from the fact that they seem to have unilaterally dropped the word “Celebrity” from the titles of all their many celebrity shows). I guess I’ll post about that tomorrow.

Rather excitingly, though, Ant and Dec were in attendance. Halfway through, when Shaps made a crack about his “glamorous assistants” coming up on stage to help him unveil a phone number (about which, more anon), I rather expected Nick Elliot and that old woman who looks like Virginia Bottomley to trot out. But, no, it was PJ and Duncan in person! Ant’s quite fat actually.

They traded a few quips with Shaps, and then shuttled off again. It was a shame they hadn’t been allowed to do the whole presentation, because that would have been great. “I’m Declan, and I’m presentin’”/”Well, I’m Anthony, and let’s talk ITV!”.