Get Me The Producer starts on Channel 4, Monday 15 October. It features Greg Dyke (Grey Dyke!) overseeing an Apprentice-style challenge in which 12 people new to TV perform a series of TV production-related tasks, all hoping they’ll be the one awarded a year-long contract with a leading indie (presumably Princess, who make this).

“Television?” snaps Greg. “It’s all about ideas. Simple as that!”. And then off we go. The iconography is all present and correct – opposing teams, white boards, water coolers, mentors. And fantastic non-sequitars …

“Let’s have a little fun being creative”. “I hate losing … I’m not allowed to play squash any more, put it that way. I can be quite – you know – violent”. “Only hold the potato once … chuck a banana in!”. Plus, my favourite: “How interesting is seeing a chicken really going to be? For five minutes? On British television?”

Alas, in practise, it’s a bit more Tycoon than Apprentice. Greg’s holed up in Brick Lane, seemingly living in a flat above a library, where he’s continually shuttling executive chairs around the office, and chewing on his spectacles. Described as an “education” commission by C4, it actually feels a bit like that – as though the reality show element is merely a fashionable fiction to get across messages about working in industry. But for all that, it’s still enough to hook me. 

“If you Google my name,” says team leader Karen Seeberg, “you’ll find out I was a James Bond girl. But I really don’t want that held against me”. In fact, if you follow her advice, the first thing you’ll find is her vanity site -www.karenseeberg.com - and a spot of cracker barrel philosophy: “Life is like a wild tiger. You can either lie down and let it lay its paw on your head … or sit on its back and ride it”. Hear her roar!

Sure, he’s become Chancellor of York University and, as the text shamelessly reminds readers, “writes for The Independent”, but you can’t help feeling that for the greatest Director-General of his generation and one of the TV industry’s master schedulers, this really isn’t good enough. What’s the man got to show for the past 24 months, other than essaying an underwhelming attempt at hosting Have I Got News For You? and penning a voluminous memoir mostly taken up with Blair bashing?

In the weeks following his sacking, Dyke was linked with pretty much every broadcasting job going, in particular taking over ITV. Nowadays his name’s not dropped at all. It’s a real shame, because the man clearly still has a flair and passion for telly, knows precisely what works and what doesn’t on the small screen, and has a damn sight more charisma and insight than virtually all the people currently running British television.

Maybe he has been deluged with offers from broadcasters seeking his counsel and participation, and he just can’t be arsed. Maybe he was so hurt by the manner of his departure that it’s too big a step to return to his old stamping ground. Even so, imagine how different a place ITV would be now if he had answered the call. Or Channel 4 for that matter, if he’d taken over as Chairman.

Whatever, his boisterous patter and avuncular personality are sorely missed both on and off camera. Even if he doesn’t fancy running British telly, he’d still do us a huge favour by appearing on it. And that’s in any capacity, frankly. After all, the sight of Dyke, sleeves rolled-up, on the Ten O’clock News the night the power failed in Television Centre to report that all was well, as if he’d fixed the faulty wiring in person, was priceless.