“This is the latest ridiculous decision by the BBC – proof that something is going wrong at the broadcaster”. Is it someone swearing again, or BBC Worldwide getting too involved in commercial activities? Of course not – it’s about Strictly vs X Factor.

What a pointless dicussion this has become, but Hunt isn’t the only one who’s been lured in to commenting on it (although he’s definitely the one who should be most ashamed of himself, as you’d think he had more important things to discuss). Here comes national speaker of common sense and, it appears, Controller of ITV Simon Cowell, who under the not-at-all-melodramatic headline ‘The BBC has let Britain down’ writes in The Sun to say, “I’m happy to chair a meeting with someone from the BBC and someone from ITV and I genuinely think we can solve this within twenty minutes.” Thank God Simon’s here to sort things out. And for shame, here’s Declan Donnelly, who you’d hope would have the wit and perspective not to treat some scheduling issue as the end of the BBC, making an almighty leap of logic by suggesting, “This whole  business is sickening… the BBC are supposed to be a public service broadcaster and I don’t see much of the public service going on at the moment, which is a real shame.” That’s exactly what it is, Dec. Because Strictly has replaced Panorama and all news bulletins and… oh, hang on. No it hasn’t.

What a shame Dec has fallen for some shameless ITV spinning. It looks like the BBC is being blamed for all of this, when nobody’s pointed out that in previous weeks, The X Factor has begun at 7pm. This week, it was abruptly moved to 8pm, where the clash with Strictly has therefore become more pronounced. This is, of course, the same ITV that’s so concerned about what’s best for the viewer that it spent much of the last two years scheduling Emmerdale up against EastEnders every single week.

The Beeb have rightly pointed out that the two shows have actually gone up against each other on forty previous occasions. Sadly, because they didn’t do it last year, ITV have now been able to get away with muder because they don’t think anyone’s boring and pedantic enough to remember this, let alone go through old listings and point this out. But there’s nobody more boring and pedantic than me, so let’s take a look at some Saturday nights from 2005…

Saturday 22nd October – Strictly 6.15pm, The X Factor 6.15pm

Saturday 29th October – Strictly 6.35pm, The X Factor 6.15pm

Saturday 5th November – Strictly 6.35pm, The X Factor 6.15pm

Saturday 11th November – Strictly 6.20pm, The X Factor 6.50pm

Then we can also look at 2006…

Saturday 14th October – Strictly 5.50pm, The X Factor 5.50pm

Saturday 21st october – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Saturday 28th October – Strictly 5.40pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Saturday 4th November – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

And just to really hammer the point home, in 2007…

Saturday 6th October – Strictly 6.15pm, The X Factor 6.45pm

Saturday 20th October – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Saturday 27th October – Strictly 5.45pm, The X Factor 5.45pm

Now I don’t recall a grandstanding publicity-hungry MP feeling moved to comment on any of those occasions, possibly because ITV weren’t quite so desperate for ratings and publicity and feeding the papers a load of rubbish about the Beeb.

Regardless, the general point is that Strictly remains by far the better programme than The X Factor. For all the idea that Strictly‘s audience is elderly and boring compared to the hip young gunslingers watching ITV, Strictly is way more daring and innovative in terms of musical choices – they danced to the Kings of Leon on Friday night, after The Gossip and The Killers have been on the soundtrack in previous series, while The X Factor won’t feature anything that’s not on heavy rotation on Smooth FM. And in Brucie, we’ve got the most compelling and anarchic presenter on telly – whether it’s egging on the audience in an impromptu Vera Lynn singalong or repeating jokes (and letting the running order go to pot) until they get the laugh he feels they deserve, you can’t take your eyes off him. He really doesn’t give a toss. And, of course, he’s been in this business long enough to know that this type of scheduling war is not a new thing – what about when his Big Night went up against the Generation Game in 1978?

Funnily enough, The X Factor managed to beat Strictly in the ratings, after all ITV’s bleating, so what’s the betting we’ll see these arguments about “serving the public” quietly fade away over the next few weeks, and Cowell stop being quite so concerned about his mum, who apparently loves both?

Regardless of all the arguments, though, one thing is for certain – Jeremy Hunt is a complete idiot who has got far too much time on his hands and had been taken in by some complete guff from the ITV press office. Do some bloody work, man!

Darcy Bussell and Alesha Dixon to 'refresh' Strictly

Strictly ‘refreshed’, 16 celebs going around the world in 80 days, Take That headlining a Children in Need concert at The Albert Hall and Totally Saturday “not as good as it should be”: Today’s press launch for the autumn season on BBC1.

BBC1 Controller Jay Hunt was on confident, bullish form as she unveiled BBC1′s new season line-up (joshing the event was quite nerve-wracking for her “given what happened to my predecessor… I’ve looked at all the pictures you’re going to see today, and I didn’t see someone walking backwards when they should have been walking forwards… but I might have missed something”).

The headline story was Arlene Phillips’ departure from Strictly Come Dancing. She’s to be replaced by former Strictly champ Alesha Dixon, who will also be joined by Darcey Bussell for the last three weeks of the run. The show will also debut with a two-night special, running over Friday and Saturday. Details of the full line-up can be found on the BBC’s press site, so let’s cut to highlights from Hunt’s brief Q&A session with the press following the presentation.

On Arlene Phillips being forced out due to ageism: “Hand on heart it’s genuinely not. I mean, you’ve seen in the time that I’ve been here I’ve looked at an array of programmes in the BBC1 schedule and some of them needed a refresh. Whether it be Watchdog, where the decision was to take off a 30-year-old woman and replace her with a 60-year-old woman, or Country File. So, what’s happened with Strictly is really about refreshing that brand and making sure it remains as compelling for viewers as it always has been. As you can see, Arlene is leaving the show but I’m delighting she is joining The One Show – an incredibly important part of the BBC1 schedule, in fact the most prominent show on BBC1 after the News.”

On Graham Norton, who was barely represented in the season trails screened: “To be honest, lots of things weren’t mentioned. Graham was in the Comedy and Light Entertainment show reel and I’m incredibly glad to have him on the channel. As you know, his [chat] show moves over to BBC1 in the autumn as well, and that will be a big moment. Hand on heart, I think when we talk about creative risk on BBC1, and I was very clear when I took this job that if we were going to be serious about reaching out to different audiences, we would take risks… When I arrived [at the channel] we had Strictly Come Dancing and the Andrew Lloyd Webber shows, and they were the only returning entertainment formats that we had. At the end of this year, we’ve got a break-out hit with Let’s Dance For Comic Relief which saw off Saturday Night Takeaway. We’ve got Total Wipeout and Hole In The Wall, completely colonising that physical entertainment space and we’ve managed to make stand-up comedy cut through on a Saturday night. Who would have thought that? So we’ve had a lot of success, along the way we’ve had a lot of disappointments. Totally Saturday isn’t as good as it should be, but the interesting thing about that show is the feedback from viewers about Graham has been consistently strong.”

On if there’s going to be an Doctor Who element in Children in Need this year: “Yep.”

Roll out the big font for a last minute announcement

With The X Factor reaching its conclusion, the penultimate Strictly Come Dancing was rather less exciting, especially as I’m not really interested in any of the remaining contestants. Yet it managed to come up with the most bizarre piece of television this year (apart from when Brucie opened last week’s show by asking of the contestants, “Are they human, or are they dancers?”). That’s because after the phone lines were opened, it was spotted that there was a big problem.

After the judges’ scores, Lisa Snowdon and Rachel Stevens tied for first place, so got three points each, while Tom Chambers came second and got one point. This meant that it was impossible for Tom to avoid the dance-off, as no matter how many votes he got from the public, he’d still only end up with four points and would always be beaten by at least one of the other contestants. Hence it was a waste of time and money voting for him.

This all meant that 10 minutes before the scheduled end of the show, all gathered on the stage to learn that there would be no dance-off and all three would go through, and the show ended. Brilliantly, this meant that BBC1 had to fill ten minutes of prime time television with nothing but a stack of trailers, including some shown twice. Of course, the fact nobody had a clue what was going on was absolutely brilliant, the schedule just fell apart due to a complete cock-up.

However – and the comments box is there if I’m wrong – I think that even if it wasn’t a tie, Tom would always have been in the dance-off. The most he could have got was four points (one from the judges, three from the public). If Lisa came second and got the lowest number of votes, she’d have got three points (two from the judges, one for the public) but in this instance, Rachel would have had to have got five points (three from the judges, two from the public) and Tom would still have been in the dance-off. If the first-placed contestant had the lowest number of votes, however, it would have meant all the contestants tying with four points. There was no way Tom could have finished top of the leader board.

Clearly, with the low number of points floating around, there was always the chance there could have been such a deadlock. It would have made more sense to use the public votes alone in such a situation. Of course, in these days of transparency of television, it was probably the right decision to abandon the elimination, but it could have been avoided.

It’s great to see, though, that however slick and expensive telly gets, it can still go very wrong. Still, Brucie was having a whale of a time, and you’ve got to love a show where the presenter can read out the time next week’s show is on, and shout “Ooh, that’s a better time, isn’t it?”

And what a fantastic evening it was – albeit awfully long. We filed in at around 4pm, and finally left about 11pm. In between, a free two-fingered KitKat and a small orange juice – here’s where your £2 billion shortfall can be found.

The atmosphere on the studio floor was unlike any other TV recording I’ve been to, more akin to sitting in a club. Andy Collins, alas, was on warm-up duty, but of course it was when Brucie pranced out (and he does prance – incredible for someone who’s months shy of his 80th) the audience livened up. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen the man strutting his stuff, and he was fantastic. Striking up the band for a song, wrenching a woman (in this case Mo from EastEnders) up for a dance, still cracking wise 30 seconds before the show went live.

Come transmission time (people still filing in mere seconds before), it was a privilege to witness the big BBC machine in motion – a crane camera swinging across the set; the steadicam operator sprinting onto the floor, frantically circling the dancers perilously close before legging it again; the sheer number of crew members, crouched within the audience, getting additional coverage of the action …

Meanwhile, Bruce would trot on to the floor, do his piece to camera, then trot back to a pillar off set (chatting up a thrilled old lady on the way) to consult his scripts and the director. This was how he navigated through the show all evening, on and off again, occasionally exchanging words with the judges. Meanwhile, Tess mostly remained out of view, doing her backstage bit of business.

First show over, B and T recorded a couple of trails – one to be used later in the evening on BBC1 (“We’ll say that bit together,” Bruce said to Tess) – and then we broke for 40 minutes.

Back in the studio, to record Sunday’s episode. First up was Andrea Bocelli and Katherine Jenkins with “Time to Say Goodbye”. This was done without Bruce or Tess present. The audience were audibly appreciative when the director ordered a second go straight after the first performance because, honestly, it was electrifying in a way that doesn’t translate to screen.

After that, a dress rehearsal of the whole show, Bruce continually taking the time to explain to the audience what bit was happening when. This meant we got to enjoy the spectacle of witnessing a bogus elimination (Dom’s named picked out of the hat). Then Andy Collins again, promising “prizes” … Pepping the audience up and, at 30 seconds to recording, telling everyone England had lost to South Africa. “Great!” moaned a crew member as the mood deflated.

Fairly quickly the show came to a halt following the opening sequence and a gag about “Did you watch the rugby?” necessitating an on-the-hoof rewrite from the leading man. As the crew reset, Bruce ensured we all knew what was going on. “I don’t know, I have to be producer, director,” he moaned. And then, squeezing past Penny Lancaster-Stewart on the steps, “Oh, you can help me any time!”.

Less fluid an experience, the Sunday recording doesn’t really compare to the live rush of the Saturday show, although it was still a thrill to see Forsyth’s extra bits of business between takes (“Don’t yawn, dear! Cor, I nearly fell into that! I don’t know, you think you’ve got them in the palm of your hand …”).

And there it was, stop and start through to the final “keeeeeeep dancing!”. 

A few observations, then. While Tess didn’t really interact much with the studio audience, Bruce seemed to consider it his personal responsibility to keep us happy. 50 people had been allocated as voters, in case the phonelines went down. The dancers were continually nipping into the crowd to chat to family. Shauna Lowry was sat a couple of rows away from me (so she’s still alive). And the judges all had little cushions on their chairs.

However, the return also means the nightly magazine of Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two, a fabulously showy, indulgent, shameless, daring and – most of all – funny spin-off, consisting of interviews, analyses, flirtatious gimmicks and previews. The manner of this programme’s chucklesome, engaging manner is down almost entirely to arguably the most underrated hostess on television.

I’m a massive fan of Claudia Winkleman. I think she works cameras, earpieces and guests with a togetherness and sharpness which puts better-paid, higher-profile anchors to absolute shame. The first episode of It Takes Two saw her take on the assessment of icy judge Craig Revel Horwood (“One word Craig – ‘uhhhhh!’”) after his scathing attack on the over-exposed Matt Dawson’s opening routine, while also chirpily allowing ex-contestant Bill Turnbull – whose personality underwent a superb makeover through his participation last year – to reminisce about his own period under the choreographic gaze of many millions of dancing fanatics.

As we’ll undoubtedly see over the 13 further weeks ahead, Strictly Come Dancing will win in terms of viewers, skill, gloss, drama and actual talent, but will lose in terms of column inches. While the guff about The X-Factor (a show I cannot bear to watch under any circumstances whatsoever) will rule the tabloids, Strictly Come Dancing will supply the entertainment without heading for insult or bluster beyond the scripted idiocies of Revel Horwood and the equally hypercritical-for-effect Arlene Phillips. And at least these two are faced with a right to reply from celebs with nothing to lose and a partisan studio audience, as opposed to the fearful wannabes whom Cowell and co will destroy from top to bottom without any prospect of an argument or back-up.

Ray Fearon, a natural performer whom Coronation Street should have cherished more, is my early tip to win Strictly Come Dancing. As for Claudia, she could yet get the “promotion” to the role of Bruce’s stooge ahead of the clearly guileless (although not useless) Tess Daly. But frankly, holding your leg up to Brucie and asking Spoony if he danced differently when DJ-ing isn’t rocket science, even for the caveat of Saturday night primetime on BBC1. If you have a talent for conversation, then the big Saturday night billing isn’t the right vehicle for you.

So, Claudia should stay where she is. She is in command and control, and is utterly brilliant. The proof of that is the amount of laughter heard behind the scenes when she issues a curt one-liner; the type of which we only heard via Phillip Schofield whenever Trevor & Simon were doing a turn. The whole half-hour is based on fun, and it produces such every time – and for that the hostess needs all the credit she so far doesn’t seem to get.

Far and away the best dancers throughout the entire competition, Colin Jackson and his partner Erin blew certain victory right at the last minute, entering the final dance-off with the worst routine ever seen on the show, a dire “dancing with dummies” number which I’m sure turned up on the Generation Game more than once, although Brucie was far too polite to mention it.

You could tell they’d lost it from the half-hearted boos during the judges’ rather polite slaggings-off (“brave … not to my taste”), and you could tell Darren Gough and Lilia had won it from the standing ovation they got for their final routine.

Most posters on the DigitalSpy forums (yeah, yeah) reckon Darren must have been leading in the phone vote before the dance-off, suggesting that Colin’s terrible routine made no difference. Darren couldn’t have qualified for the dance-off otherwise, as he had the least points from the judges. But given that Brucie announced the number of votes cast on the night had gone from three million to five million in the dance-off, those dummies must have had an effect on the result.

I can’t believe I’m discussing all this anyway. It just goes to prove what an infectiously entertaining show this is. Being the final, we also got Brucie hollering and hoofing through Let’s Face the Music And Dance, surrounded by a bevy of lovelies. And isn’t that all we want on telly on a winter’s Saturday night?