“I’ve got no brief for this moment”

Someone has finally won £250,000 on Deal or No Deal?.

The winner was, inevitably, a lady, but not a dusky one so Noel’s lechering wasn’t too unbearable. He did make it his business to smother her loads of times, however, and crow that, “it couldn’t have happened to a more wonderfulperson”. He also blubbed constantly. There was one awful shot when the winner was jumping up and down with all the other contestants and the camera cut back to show Noel sitting alone with big watery eyes like a rheumatic labrador.

The ticker tape came down on cue, though, just as Noel had planned it all those months ago. The show’s being repeated on Tuesday on More4 at 11am, weirdly, but there’ll undoubtedly be a primetime C4 repeat before the week is out.